A Battle Well Fought

Early 2014, we lost a family member to cancer. Tutang had been fighting cancer for quite some time. She was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer. She had several cycles of chemo, radiation, and an operation. Everything seemed okay. She was fine. Yet, 2 years after diagnosis, a nightmare came. The cancer had metastases to the lungs. That time, it was already at stage 4. Later as we knew it, breast cancer cells crawled to her brain. Her eyes started to cross and her body weakened. The doctor said she has a month to live. Our family had been tested through tough times, to the moon and back. We usually do not give up life battles.

Through continuous chemo cycles and radiation therapy, she lasted for almost a year. She was able to spend the last Christmas, New Year, and Birthday with her family. Life is short. Live it. 

PDAF

Bilang isang student leader noong ako ay nasa kolehiyo, namulat ako sa mas makamundong pananaw sa pulitika, paghawak ng pera, pagpapasunod ng mga tao, pagiisip sa ikabubuti ng nakararami, at pakikinig sa nais ipabatid ng kinasasakupan ko. 

Sa aking pananaw, magandang simula ang pag-abolish ng PDAF. Ang pamahalaan ay bubuo ng bagong sistema kung papaano mapapakinabangan ng sambayanan ang pera ng bansa. Gaya ng sabi ni PNOY, mas magiging mahigpit sila sa paglalabas ng pondo at magiging bukas sa taong bayan ang mga paroroonan ng nasabing kaban. Tight and Transparency, ika nga. 

Maraming nagsasabi wala naman daw pinagkaiba ang pag-abolish ng PDAF sa bagong mungkahi ng pangulo paukol sa pera ng bansa. May mga nagmumungkahi na tanggaling na talaga ng pondo ng gobyerno sa pulitiko. Meron namang nagsasabi na ibagsak direkta ang pera sa ospital o sa paaralan.

Pero naisip ko, kung mawawalan ng pondo ang mga pulitiko, paano na ang kanilang proyekto? Marahil, ang hindi nararapat ay ang mga pulitikong ganid. Pero sino ba ang nagluklok sa mga ito? di ba ay tayo ding mga tao? Sino ang mali? 

Huwag nating husgahan ang bawat hakbang para sa kinabukasan. Kung hindi tayo bukas sa pagbabago, walang mangyayari sa kahit anong reklamo. Hindi "overnight" ang pagbabago dahil lahat may proseso. 

Bidding goodbye. :)

I'm leaving you. I'm leaving you not because I can't see myself with you anymore but because I got tired of tolerating your things that I know I am not supposed to. I got fed up with all our differences that we weren't able to patch up. I, finally, was able to realize that my happiness isn't you anymore.

Years with you had been a twist of the best and the worst moments in my life. Even if I regret it now, I know nothing will change. I guess everything on earth will have their time wherein they'll reach their saturating point. A point wherein whatever we add to our life, we can't just accept it anymore. We just can't cause we are already saturated.

I would always look back and see you as part of my life. Lessons learned with and from you will not be forgotten. You were part of the foundation that I built in myself.

And yes, there is something else. Something had shown me better things and greater opportunities. I may not be able to compare you to this something new but I am willing to take the risk.

I'm leaving you and I want you to know, it is a hard decision that I made.

Goodbye, work. You had 5 years of my life.

.b.l.a.n.k.

I've learned that one of the hardest things to do is to forgive.

It's been more than a year and yet i still hate myself for sticking into something I’m not supposed to stay with. All i can do is swallow my pride and say to myself that this too shall pass. I tried my best to believe and understand that we are all human and we are bound to make mistakes. But sometimes, most of the time, human vulnerability is being used as an excuse. I even initiated to be in good terms with all the people around. I guess, I thought it would be easier that way. But it wasn’t. Not a day that I ever forget about what happened, what you did. Two things happened, you proved me wrong thinking that you are a great, sincere, and decent person; second is that you proved everyone right about what they think about you.

Thoughts came running into me. I had a feeling of so much detestation that I wanted to let you know. But I didn’t. You didn’t hear anything from me. I don’t want to do anything to you; i don’t want to be in the same pedestal you’re on right now. Don't act innocent and so much hurt cause you dont know the hell you made me feel.


You’re sorry? Didn’t think so. Didn’t think you ever were.  

Sometimes, we just have to feel that short lived happiness because eventually long live pain will take place again.

random thoughts...

"They say that in a relationship, there's always someone who loves more.. oh God, I hope it isn't me.."